Grateful Monday

Here's my attempt to start my week off by counting my blessings.

Five things I'm grateful for today:

 

• My husband's final project for his programming class is done.  This class has been a really tough one and every second of his spare time has been spent working.  It will be so nice to have some free time together again!
• We only have three more students to test, and then we are completely done with state testing.  Its been a stressful two weeks, and I'm glad the testing window is closing tomorrow!
• We didn't have any major damage from Saturday's storm.  We had a huge limb come down from a tree, but somehow, it completely missed Andrew's car that was parked right below it.  I'm not quite sure how that happened, but I'm very grateful.
• The anticipation of a weekend away with six of our closest friends.  We have lots to do in preparation so it will be a busy week, but I absolutely cannot wait to spend some quality time with these people.  It's been too long!
• Liam has officially learned to sit back down.  This is major.  He no longer gets stuck standing up and then gets mad (which was kind of hilarious to watch by the way).

Lately

Here are some things I've been enjoying lately:

• When I read this birth story, I wept.  There are times when I get a little mopey about my own birth experience....I'll never feel that way again after reading this.  I am inspired by this woman's strength and her faith.

• This essay resonated with me on many levels.  As I navigate being a new mom, I constantly have to tell myself that I am enough, and this piece is a nice, gentle reminder.

• I love reading the blog of this artist whose home is gorgeous.  I love the color and the whimsy.

• I'm excited that it's nearly sundress season!  I live in sundresses during the summer.

• My peonies have bloomed.  Love. Love.

• I love the clothes on this website.  Very Anthro but much cheaper!

• I'm excited for May....we have many fun happenings lined up for May, including a weekend away with friends, my sister-in-law's wedding, and a canoe trip!

• My husband and I are planning an outdoor adventure for late summer or early fall.  We are considering Rocky Mountain National Park or Grand Teton National Park.  Planning is half the fun!

Have a wonderful weekend!  

Grateful Monday

Five things I'm grateful for today:

• Only 6 more weeks of work!  
• My amazing husband who took such great care of his sick wife and son last week.
• My blooming peonies.  I just love peonies.  They are quite possibly my favorite flower, and ours are just starting to bloom!
• The anticipation of a lovely dinner out with friends tomorrow night.
• One week of state testing is over....only one more to go!

Happy Earth Day

In honor of Earth Day, I thought I would share some of my favorite outdoor adventures.


I am a nature lover through and through.  My love affair with nature began as a kid.  Some of my favorite memories center around summer evenings spent outside, barefoot and happy.  I distinctly remember coming in from those evening and having to wash my feet because they were so dirty.  To this day, I associate dirty feet with a happy kid.


When I was ten years-old, I spent a week at Camp Ondessonk....a magical place that still holds a special place in my heart.  Summer camp changed me.  At Camp Ondessonk, I learned to love the earth, to respect it and to want to protect it.  Throughout my years, nature has become my spiritual place.  In the mountains and trees, I don't just see beauty...I see God.  


Nature is also one of the things that brought my husband and I together.  We both have an intense love for the outdoors.  It's one of my favorite things about him.  He's pretty much up for any adventure that I suggest. Our activity of choice is backpacking.  I love camping anywhere, but the best camping is in the back country...those nights are the best.  Just you and the sounds of the wilderness.  The best part...the only way to get there is to walk.


Here are just a few of my favorite trips that we've taken:


Every Memorial Day weekend, we canoe the Eleven Point River in southern, Missouri.  Missouri is known for its rivers and this one is, by far, my favorite.  It's spring fed so the water is clear and the bluffs are breathtaking.

The Irish Wilderness actually trails along the Eleven Point.  This was my first backpacking trip in Missouri and our first backpacking trip together.  

We have hiked several stretches of the Ozark Trail which runs through Missouri.  I don't have many good pictures, but I have yet to have a bad hike on the OT.

And my favorite trip so far...we spent a week in Yosemite in March of 2010.  We did an overnight snowshoe trek up to Dewey Point on 8 feet of snow.  It was a tough climb, but the view from the top will be burned into my memory for the rest of my life.  I have never seen anything so beautiful.

None of these trips were easy.  But the payoff from the physical exertion is worth the effort.  It's exhilarating to finally reach your destination and to see all of the magical views along the way.  It's also a nice reminder of your physical strength.

And I would be remiss if I didn't share a photo of us with our partners in crime.  Our friends Justin and Mylisa share our love of the outdoors, and they accompany us on most of our adventures.  

These days, in the midst of graduate school, we don't make it to the woods as often as we would like.  And I'll be honest, city life drives me crazy.  After I finish this degree, we hope to buy some acreage amongst the trees.  That way we can walk out our back door and into the woods.  Until then, we'll make do with the occasional weekend trip and regular hikes.  


One thing I know for sure is that nature is my constant.  She never fails me.  Whenever I start to feel out of balance...tense and stressed, all I have to do is find my way to the woods.  It's there that I find my center. It's there that I remember to breathe and to find my peace.  Every. Single. Time.  


In the words of John Muir...

Keep close to Nature's heart... and break clear away, once in awhile, and climb a mountain or spend a week in the woods. Wash your spirit clean.

And....We're Back

I've been quiet over here.  We've had the sickies for the past week and a half and it has not been fun!  Liam came down with the hand, foot, and mouth virus.  I had never even heard of this but apparently it's quite common in young children.  Adults rarely get it, but somehow, I did and let me tell you, it brought me down!  My fever peaked at 104 and my throat was covered in blisters.  Once I knew how awful it was, I felt even worse for my poor little boy.  It's hard enough having a sick baby but once you know how much something hurts....it just breaks your heart. 

I was home sick most of the week and spent many hours snuggling with my son.  This sickness came at the absolute worst time for me.  We started state testing this week and a major part of my job is test coordination.  Luckily, I'm blessed with two amazing colleagues who ran the show without me.  I am continuously amazed by these two women who are always going above and beyond, working day and night for the good of our school.

That's the thing about being sick....when it happens, it's completely out of our control.  Truth be told, I was too sick to really worry about the bad timing.  My to-do lists went out the window, and I was forced to hit the pause button in a major way. I suppose it's a good reminder to truly be present in the moment.

Fortunately, we are back up and running, but we are taking it easy this weekend.   Our plans to hit up the Earth Day celebration tomorrow have changed and instead, we'll be enjoying Earth Day from home.  We will definitely get outside a bit to celebrate our good health!

Liam is back to himself and going full force.  In spite of being sick, he perfected the art of pulling up this week and is starting to cruise around.  As you can see, he also seems to think that my shelves need some reorganizing.

Now, if only we can teach him how to sit back down....

I hope your weekend is full of rest and joy.  Happy Earth Day!

Grateful Monday

Five things I'm grateful for today:

• My little boy has been really sick the past few days with the hand, foot, and mouth virus.  This is our first major sickness and it's been a rough few days.  This experience makes me very grateful that he is generally very healthy.  I have a whole new respect for parents of seriously ill children.  My heart truly goes out to them.
• My husband, who is an amazing dad.  He's been right there with me caring for our son.  I'm so grateful that he is so involved and hands-on.
• Pedicures.  My sister-in-law and I stepped out for a bit yesterday to get a pedi.  It was such a nice treat and gave me a chance to decompress a bit.
• Supportive colleagues.  We begin state testing this week, which means the next two weeks are going to be chaos. Unfortunately, I'm going to have to be out much of this week and my administrative team is extremely understanding and supportive.  
• Coffee.  We haven't had much sleep the past few days.  If it weren't for coffee, I would probably be asleep on the floor, under my desk right now!

Grateful Tuesday

I'm a little late on this but still wanted to start my week by counting my blessings!


So....five things I'm grateful for today:

• A beautiful weekend spent with my parents celebrating Easter and all of our blessings

• Spending evenings enjoying a cocktail and some quality time with my husband while sitting outside on our deck. This weather is gorgeous!

• The start of season two of the Game of Thrones.  We don't watch much tv, but when we do, it's because we REALLY love the show.

• My 10 pound weight loss.  It has taken me 5 very long weeks, but I've finally lost 10 pounds.  It's been really really hard...and I still have a ways to go before I'm at my goal, but each pound that comes off keeps me motivated!

• The fragrant lilac bush that is in full bloom outside our front door.  Whether I'm coming or going, I always stop at that bush and breathe in its sweet smell!

Change is in the Air

I have news that I can finally make public. Big news.  Exciting news.  News that makes me want to jump up and down and sing!


This week, I officially put in my resignation for next year.  What does this mean?  It means that I will finish out this school year, and after June 1st, I will not be coming back.


Starting this summer, I’m going to focus solely on being a mom and a graduate student.  I will work part-time for my advisor and spend the rest of my time with my son, while also working on my dissertation.

This is a big heart decision.  After returning to work from my maternity leave, I realized that I do not want to be away from my son full-time.  It feels very unnatural to me.  I just can’t get past the fact that Liam spends the majority of his awake hours each day with a babysitter….five days a week.  I have struggled with this for the past 5 months, and nearly every Monday, when I have to leave him, my heart breaks.


I also have too much on my plate.  I’m a new mom, I’m a wife, I work full-time, and I’m a graduate student working on my doctorate.  The fact is, I’m trying to do too much, and consequently, I’m not doing any of it very well.  I constantly feel like I’m not doing enough in any aspect of my life, and I find myself feeling tremendous guilt.  I feel guilty about leaving Liam to go to work.  I feel guilty about leaving work promptly at the end of the day to go and spend time with my son while my colleagues stay and work late.  I feel guilty that my husband and I don’t get as much time together as we would like….it goes on and on.  In many ways, I just need to be easier on myself…and I’m working on that.  


But at the end of the day, I’m not one who likes to cut corners, and lately, I’m feeling completely overwhelmed…like I can barely keep my head above the water as I try to juggle it all.  Most days, something big gets cut from the to-do list and most often, it’s my graduate work.  There’s no way I can keep putting my school work on the back burner and continue to be successful.  


Something has got to give.


Being a good mom and a good partner to my husband are my top priorities.  Finishing my degree comes next.  If I don’t stop and focus solely on my dissertation, it could take me years to finish, and I’m not willing to accept that.   This PhD is the stepping stone to get me to where I want to be, so I need to make it a priority.


After seven years of working in the St. Louis Public Schools, a part of me is sad to leave.  The other part of me is excited to close this chapter and begin a new one.  For seven years, I have worked diligently and passionately to help improve this educational system.  It is, by far, the hardest thing I have ever done.   The students and teachers in these city schools will always have a special place in my heart, and I commend those who continue to keep fighting the good fight.


As I look forward to these coming months and this transition, I’m preparing myself for a new kind of difficult work.  I know that writing this dissertation is not going to be easy….but I like to think that I’m ready for the challenge.


You know how sometimes when you make decisions it just feels so right.  This is one of those times.  The minute my advisor told me I would definitely have a job for next year, I felt a tremendous sense of relief…like I was finally coming up for air.  Many of the anxieties that I’ve been feeling as I try to manage everything have started to disappear….just knowing that the end is in sight gives me a sense of calm.  Every part of this decision feels like it’s the right thing to do.  I am thrilled that I will get to spend more time with Liam, while also having more time to focus on my studies.  Rather than feeling like I’m spread too thin, my hope is that I will finally feel a sense of balance. 

This decision will require some sacrifice as I’ll be making a lot less money, but both my husband and I agree that the sacrifice will be worth it.  Now, more than ever, I am grateful for our simple lifestyle.  If we lived in a huge house with a big mortgage…with new, fancy cars and expensive toys, this wouldn’t be possible.  Instead, we choose to live modestly.  I have never been more grateful for that than I am now. 

This feels good.  I’m excited.  I feel at peace.   I’m ready to begin this new chapter.

8 Months Old

Dear Liam,

You turned 8 months old on Monday.  Time is moving so fast. You are so fun these days!  I just love hanging out with you, and watching you as you discover the world.

These days you like to giggle and make funny sounds.  I think you've got a goofy side!  If we cough or make a sound, you will respond by coughing too and mimicking the noises we make.  Just today, you started clapping for the first time.  You like to be tickled and are always smiling.  You love to move and like to check things out all around you.  You love to play with the register on the vent in the living room and you enjoy spinning the knobs on the bookcase drawers in the dining room.  You love to play and can happily entertain yourself with your toys for long periods of time.  

You started army crawling about 5 weeks ago.  You will now push up to your hands and knees and rock back and forth, but you haven’t quite figured out how to crawl.  

Just a couple of days ago, you pulled up and stood up at the ottoman all by yourself.  You were so proud!  And, as you can see...you really love remote controls.

Changing your diaper and getting you dressed is starting to be a challenge because you are so squirmy.  You lose patience and get upset when we take too long.

You love food!  When you eat you make a “mmmm” sound, which cracks us up.  Recently, you have started taking off your bib and getting mad when we try to put it back on.

You are still a good sleeper, although your naps are very sporadic and, often, really short.  Most nights you sleep through the night. Your favorite place to sleep is between me and your daddy.  If you are having a restless night, I put you in between us and I know that you’ll sleep without any problem. 

Although you are very busy, when you are tired, you love to snuggle and you like to be rocked and held.  Holding you as you fall asleep at night is still one of my favorite things to do.

When I pick you up from the babysitter’s after work, you start jumping up and down when you first see me.  You smile and reach your arms out to me...being greeted like that is the absolute best thing in the world! 

Each day you become more and more precious as your little personality starts to shine.  Your dad and I love watching you.  We laugh all the time at how cute and fun you are.  If we are out without you and we see a baby, we talk about how much we miss you.  You are the center of our universe and have changed our world for the better.  Happy 8 months sweet boy!  Remember always that you are loved.

               

Grateful Monday

Five things I’m grateful for today:

• My sweet son, Liam, who turns 8 months old today!  He makes me laugh and smile every. single. day.
• Getting to see Yonder Mountain String Band on Friday night...I love me some bluegrass!
• Two date nights in a row with my awesome husband.
• My wonderful parents who came into town just to babysit for the weekend.
• Exciting news that I’ve been sitting on that I finally get to share this week!  Stay tuned…