Paris - Part deux

I wrapped up my last post about the Paris trip with our visit to the Eiffel Tower.  

The following day, we headed to the Louvre, which was just a short walk from our apartment. 

Going to the Louvre has been on my life list since I took French classes in high school!  And I must say, it did not disappoint.  However, I wasn't quite prepared for the size of this place. It used to be palace and it's massive.  I actually got lost at one point.  
  

I didn't bring my big camera on this day because my shoulder was aching from lugging my bag around, and I definitely regret it.  My pictures would have been much better with my SLR.  So excusing the quality of my pictures, here are a few of my highlights:

The Venus de Milo was probably my favorite piece.  In fact, this wing, that was full of ancient Greek and Roman sculptures, was my favorite part of the museum.  I couldn't believe both the size and the detail of these pieces. 

I knew the Mona Lisa was going to be smaller than expected, but she was still impressive to view and her eyes definitely follow you!

 Of course there were numerous beautiful paintings, too many to post.  One of my favorite parts of this experience, however, was just walking through this beautiful palace.  It was gorgeous!

That afternoon, after we had lunch, we headed back to our apartment to relax and work on our presentation, which was the following day.  

On Friday, we spent most of the day at the conference.  Our presentation went very well, and to celebrate we decided to take a cruise along the Seine that evening.  The weather wasn't the best, but I got some really good shots of the city.  I just loved seeing these beautiful old buildings along the river. 

The Louvre

Notre Dame

On Saturday, we awoke and had our standard chocolate croissant.  Then we headed out to do some shopping.  I had decided that I wanted to bring home some pottery to display in our house.  I read about a pottery shop La Maison Ivre and so we headed that way.  And this store was A-M-A-Z-I-N-G.

I would have bought half of the things on display if I could.  It was full of beautiful linens and pottery. 

I came home with this beautiful piece which is displayed on one of our shelves. 

I love that every time I look at it, it reminds me of this fabulous trip.

After buying our trinkets, we went to a delicious crepery for lunch.  After that, Angela and her mom headed to Sacre Coeur.  I was kind of tired of the tourist scene and really just wanted to soak up my last day in Paris.  So I wandered the streets, popping into various boutiques and finally landed at a cafe where I sat and people watched and wrote in my journal.  

Our trip ended that night with a fabulous French meal where I had the most delicious risotto and chocolate mousse for dessert, of course. 

I feel so very grateful and so very blessed to have had this experience.  It was a wonderful trip, and I will cherish the memory.  The French definitely enjoy life, and since I've been home, I've been inspired to slow down a bit, savoring a few special moments of each and every day. 

My hope is that one day, I can return to France and explore the countryside.  I would love to see more of this beautiful country. 

Finding Some Confidence

With the semester ending and the holiday season beginning, I've not had much time to blog recently. 

I'm currently stuck in Dallas because of the winter storm and find myself with some unexpected free time.  This is the view from my hotel window.  It doesn't look too bad from here but there's a lot of ice.

My flight home today was cancelled and I'm on hold, at this very moment, trying to talk to the airline.  The airport here is basically shut down, and  I don't really expect to get out of Texas anytime soon.  I'm a little frustrated....and super bummed that I won't get home to see my boys today.  I've been away for four days, and I miss them terribly. But I'm trying to be positive.  I'm definitely grateful that I'm still at the hotel and not stuck at the airport sleeping on a cot, but I'm ready to be home.

I'm here for a literacy conference and yesterday I presented a paper.  This was my first time presenting at a conference of this size and status.  Needless to say, I was a little nervous and certainly felt out of my league.  However, the presentation went beautifully, and I received some very positive, encouraging feedback about my study.  In fact, multiple people asked to read my paper! 

Academia can be an intimidating field, and I'm often haunted by feelings of insecurity.  I doubt myself and my abilities, but with each success, those self-depleting voices are slowly becoming silenced.  After seeing several other presentations and getting such positive feedback yesterday, I have a renewed sense of belief in myself. 

I also feel re-inspired to get this paper done and put it out there for publication, something I've been avoiding because of my fears that it wasn't good enough.  I'm reminded of a quote I once heard:

“If you are lucky enough to find a way of life you love, you have to find the courage to live it.” ~John Irving

I am finally starting to feel like I can play in this playground and do so with some confidence. It feels good....really, good.

I Love Everything About This

My cousin recently shared this video on Facebook, and I can't get enough of it.

When I was a freshman in college, I was struggling in my biology class.  I went to see my professor (a very old man), and he basically told me that I shouldn't be studying science because I wasn't smart enough.  I will never forget how disheartened I felt after that conversation, and sadly, I let his words influence my beliefs in my own ability.  After that, I had continuous doubts and rarely felt confident in any of my science classes.

I also have some real concerns about the messages that girls are getting these days as they grow up in a society that is obsessed with physical beauty and photo shopped perfection.  Our girls are constantly being sent the message that their value lies in how they look.  Wouldn't it be nice if, instead, we started sending them more messages about how important it is to be smart?!

This video does just that, and it resonates with me in so many ways.  As a female science teacher, I love everything about it.  This is exactly the kind of message we should be promoting.

I know what I'll be buying for some special little girls this holiday season! 

Enjoy!  

(note: I have no affiliations with this company.  I just love what they are doing!)

Lately

Things have been pretty busy around here lately.  What's new right?  It seems to be a common theme this time of year.

Our fall has been hectic.  I'm actually grateful for the time change and the fact that we don't have much planned in the coming weeks.  I'm also really looking forward to the holidays this year.  In the meantime though, here's what we've been up to.

• It rained on Halloween, but we did get a chance to take Liam out for a bit.  This was his first trick-or-treating experience.  It was pretty cute.  He caught on pretty quickly.  Here he is with his friend Cecelia.  He's a dinosaur and she's dressed as Angelina Ballerina.  They are such buddies.  

• Last week I submitted an application for a dissertation fellowship through my university.  I'm trying not to get my hopes up, but I'm really really hoping I get it.  Fingers crossed!  It would allow me to focus solely on my dissertation, which would be really helpful in terms of completion.  As much as I love teaching, it just takes up so much of my time!  I should know in about a month so please send some positive vibes!

•  I can also now share the news that I'm going to Paris in February to present at a conference.  It's been in the works for awhile, but now it's official!  I've never been to Europe so I'm super excited about this opportunity! I can't wait to see this beauty.

 

Source

• Andrew and I went backpacking this weekend in southern, Illinois.  It was such a beautiful fall weekend.  We could not have asked for better weather.  The trip was amazing and deserves its own post but for now, here's a sneak peak.

 

Happy November!  I'm headed home this weekend with Liam to visit my parents for a few days.  Andrew is going to stay home and replace our bathroom ceiling that was damaged from a leak.  I'm pretty sure I'm getting the better end of that deal! 

xoxo

Lately

I'm a list person.  I love to make lists, and I love to check things off my list!

So today, I'll be sharing a list of some random happenings and things going through my head.

Life is busy and hectic these days,  and as much as I love blogging, I just can't seem to find much time for it.

So here's what's been going on in our world lately....

•  I am teaching two undergraduate education courses this semester.  I love it.  I'm pretty sure I was born to teach.  But it's a lot of work, and I'm struggling to find some balance.

• I need to start analyzing my dissertation data but haven't been able to find the time because of teaching. Hopefully, I can get started this week!

• Being a mom of a toddler is awesome and fun, but it's also exhausting.  On the days I'm home with him, I should spend the evenings writing or grading, but instead, I can barely summon the energy to sit on the couch.  I could really use a few more hours in my day....

• Speaking of the toddler, here he is wearing his super hero mask.  He's starting to get into costumes, super powers, and playing pretend. Full on cuteness!

 

• To help me unwind a bit, Andrew sent me out on Friday night to hear some music with friends.  Here's a picture of me and my besties.  The four of us go way back and this picture reminds me of the days when we were all footloose and fancy free!  What a super fun night.

 

• The return of pumpkin spice flavors makes me oh so happy.  Seriously, sometimes it's the one treat that gets me through the day. Now if only the weather would cool off enough to pull out the boots!  I'm definitely ready for fall.

• I am training to run this race again this year, 10 miles through the beautiful Shawnee National Forest.  I work best with a goal, and the runs are a good way to manage some of my stress right now.  Win-win.

•  Have you seen the new Pottery Barn catalog?  Wow. Wow. Wow.  I'm loving the rustic, natural style.  I have pinned many images on Pinterest as inspiration for my future home.  It is totally normal to spend time thinking about your future home when needing to write a dissertation right?! 

•  Looking forward to the return of Parenthood next week!  It's one of my favorite shows and it's moved to Thursday nights, which means it will be a nice treat when I get home from teaching.

Have a wonderful week!
 xoxo

Busy busy

We have had a very busy couple of weeks!  Here is what we've been up to around here:

• I recently traveled to Washington DC for a quick trip to visit the National Science Foundation.  It was a whirlwind trip, but I came away with such invaluable knowledge about the grant writing process.  I may be writing a grant proposal with my PhD adviser this summer, so this experience could be rather helpful.

• I then traveled to Nashville, TN to meet up with my roommates from college for a girls' weekend.  I'll be writing more on that soon!  Here's a sneak peek:

• I submitted my dissertation proposal to my committee on Tuesday.  I have been living and breathing this proposal for the past six weeks so it feels really good to have it done.  I honestly can't believe I met the deadline.  It seemed so crazy when I first started, but somehow, I managed it.  It ended up being 85 pages long and included 97 references.  The craziest part?  I read most of those 97 references during the last six weeks while writing.  I'm pretty sure my brain is maxed out for awhile.  I have to defend it on May 13th.  Then, hopefully, I'll be free to start collecting my data.  In any case, it feels good to step away from the reading and writing for a bit!

• During this busy time, Andrew has taken on the bulk of the parenting duties.  I'm so grateful for his support.  I must say, I was really starting to miss Liam while I was gone.  It reminds me, once again, how blessed I am to be able to stay home with him part-time.  Today was my first day at home with him in a week, and it was such a treat. We spent most of the day playing.  I just love days like that!  Sometimes the simplest things are truly the most precious.

• Liam has learned how to count.  Here's a fun video of him counting to 10.  Of course I think he's a total genius!

Things should be settling down for awhile, and I am definitely welcoming the break.

I'll be back with more soon!

xoxo

Lately...

The new year started off slowly but things are starting to pick up.  Here is what we've been up to lately...

I'm in love with Downton Abbey.  We rented seasons 1 and 2 over our winter break and finished just in time to catch the start of season 3.  Now, my Sunday nights are reserved for this delightful show.  I'm a huge fan of period shows.  I'm a sucker for the costumes.  

Liam and I watch this video multiple times a day.  We love it, and he does this cute thing where he drums his hands in the air and makes the sign for "stronger".  I can't get enough of it.

My sister-in-law gave me this candle for Christmas.  It has this amazing sweet, woody smell. I burn it every evening.

I starting shredding again last week.  After months of running, I wanted to give my knees a break and mix things up a bit.  When I did the 30 Day Shred in June, I lost 9.5 inches in 30 days! This definitely works, but you have to do it every day.  But its only 27 minutes which makes it completely doable.  We are going to Florida for a week next month so I'm using that as motivation!

I have also been juicing in an attempt to keep us healthy this winter season.  I usually throw an apple, an orange, half a cucumber, two cups of spinach, some ginger, and flax seed into a blender.  Sometimes I add a banana.  This mixture will last me a couple of days, giving two large glasses full.  I think it's delicious, and the best part is that Liam likes it too.  Now, if only I could get my husband on board.....

This is Liam's favorite book and has been for awhile.  We read this book every night before bedtime.  It's a beautiful book with a beautiful message.  

I just finished reading this book.  It's got some powerful messages about the food choices that we make.  It's not a diet book but more of an exploration into the emotional and spiritual side of eating.  I wouldn't say it was transformational, but I have marked several passages that resonate with me.  One of my favorite quotes reads, "Spiritual hunger can never be solved on the physical level."

I usually drink chamomile tea in the evenings, but I recently discovered this.  It's a nice alternative.  It tastes good, and I love that it's loose leaf.

Liam and I attended story time at our library for the first time last week.  Liam loved it, and I enjoyed chatting with the other moms.  This is definitely going to become a regular part of our week.  I'm finding that as he gets older, we need to get out of the house more and this is an excellent morning outing.

This week I'm back to school, which means that we are getting back into some semblance of a routine.  As much as I love having a break, I also love having a little structure in my life!

What about you?  What have you been up to lately?

Hope

Since Friday I have been trying to write a post about the tragedy in Newtown, and I have struggled to find the right words in the midst of my emotions.

Perhaps it's because I'm a mother....or perhaps it's because I'm a former teacher.  Nonetheless, this event has had a profound impact on me.  I feel a sense of sorrow that I haven't felt in a long time.

My heart breaks for the parents of the children who were victims.  I cannot even fathom their pain.  Their holiday season will forever be clouded by this terrible tragedy. 

My heart also breaks for the children and teachers who will never again feel safe in their classrooms.

Having taught in a violent neighborhood for several years, I know first-hand the importance of safety in schools.  What many don't realize is that safety is a necessity for children to learn.  If children feel unsafe, their brains are stuck in "fight or flight' mode making it impossible for them to concentrate or retain information.  Thus, safety is essential, and as far I'm concerned, non-negotiable.  Every school I worked in had metal detectors and security guards.  It's certainly not fool proof.  If someone really wanted to get in, he or she could, but at least its a start, a first line of defense and perhaps enough to deter someone. 

I also believe that we need to improve our systems for supporting mental health in this country.  I have known far too many troubled youth who simply aren't getting the help that they so desperately need.  It's time that we face this uncomfortable reality.

I have stopped trying to make sense of this horrific event.  I have stopped watching the news and instead, I'm trying to maintain my sense of hope....hope that the world we live in is still beautiful and good.  When we turn on the news, we hear of all of the bad things happening.  I often have to remind myself that wonderful, kind things are happening too.  Sometimes I wish there were a news channel that only presented stories of hope and kindness....offering us a daily reminder that the world truly isn't a terrible place.  

Unfortunately, each of these tragedies works to perpetuate a culture of fear.  Instead, I want to perpetuate a culture of hope.  I choose to believe that the world is still good and wonderful and that there are places where kindness prevails.  

And maybe, just maybe, my small acts of kindness can make a difference, and I believe that collectively, we have the power to perpetuate a culture of hope and goodness.  So today, as I continue to pray for the families in Newtown, I am also making a promise to be kinder and more hopeful each and every day.  Even if its just a smile, or holding a door for a stranger, I want to play my part in truly making this world a better, kinder place.  

I do this because my child, our children, deserve to know what hopefulness and kindness feels like. 

Once a Teacher, Always a Teacher

Friday was my last day on the job.

As I packed up my office and binders of old lesson plans, I found pictures of my previous students and encouraging notes that I had written to myself during my first year as a teacher.  It's hard to believe that I've been working in this district now for seven years.  Where did the time go?

Seven years ago, I came to St. Louis to begin my two years with Teach for America.  At the time, I had no idea how that move would change my life.  I always had a hunch that I should be a teacher.....but after my first couple of weeks in the classroom, I knew that I was born to be a teacher.  

This was it.  This was what I was meant to do. 

Thank you SLPS for seven wonderfully hard years.  Thank you for helping me find my passion.  I have learned so much and grown so much from my time in this school district.  I leave this place more committed than ever to the mission of educational equity.  Regardless of race, sex, religion, or socioeconomic status every child in this nation deserves a quality education....and it's our job to ensure that each child gets that opportunity.

I have a fundamental belief that education is the greatest gift we can give ourselves...and the greatest gift we can give others.  And as I move on to pursue a career at the university level, there is one thing I know for sure...I am, and always will be, a teacher.  

Change is in the Air

I have news that I can finally make public. Big news.  Exciting news.  News that makes me want to jump up and down and sing!


This week, I officially put in my resignation for next year.  What does this mean?  It means that I will finish out this school year, and after June 1st, I will not be coming back.


Starting this summer, I’m going to focus solely on being a mom and a graduate student.  I will work part-time for my advisor and spend the rest of my time with my son, while also working on my dissertation.

This is a big heart decision.  After returning to work from my maternity leave, I realized that I do not want to be away from my son full-time.  It feels very unnatural to me.  I just can’t get past the fact that Liam spends the majority of his awake hours each day with a babysitter….five days a week.  I have struggled with this for the past 5 months, and nearly every Monday, when I have to leave him, my heart breaks.


I also have too much on my plate.  I’m a new mom, I’m a wife, I work full-time, and I’m a graduate student working on my doctorate.  The fact is, I’m trying to do too much, and consequently, I’m not doing any of it very well.  I constantly feel like I’m not doing enough in any aspect of my life, and I find myself feeling tremendous guilt.  I feel guilty about leaving Liam to go to work.  I feel guilty about leaving work promptly at the end of the day to go and spend time with my son while my colleagues stay and work late.  I feel guilty that my husband and I don’t get as much time together as we would like….it goes on and on.  In many ways, I just need to be easier on myself…and I’m working on that.  


But at the end of the day, I’m not one who likes to cut corners, and lately, I’m feeling completely overwhelmed…like I can barely keep my head above the water as I try to juggle it all.  Most days, something big gets cut from the to-do list and most often, it’s my graduate work.  There’s no way I can keep putting my school work on the back burner and continue to be successful.  


Something has got to give.


Being a good mom and a good partner to my husband are my top priorities.  Finishing my degree comes next.  If I don’t stop and focus solely on my dissertation, it could take me years to finish, and I’m not willing to accept that.   This PhD is the stepping stone to get me to where I want to be, so I need to make it a priority.


After seven years of working in the St. Louis Public Schools, a part of me is sad to leave.  The other part of me is excited to close this chapter and begin a new one.  For seven years, I have worked diligently and passionately to help improve this educational system.  It is, by far, the hardest thing I have ever done.   The students and teachers in these city schools will always have a special place in my heart, and I commend those who continue to keep fighting the good fight.


As I look forward to these coming months and this transition, I’m preparing myself for a new kind of difficult work.  I know that writing this dissertation is not going to be easy….but I like to think that I’m ready for the challenge.


You know how sometimes when you make decisions it just feels so right.  This is one of those times.  The minute my advisor told me I would definitely have a job for next year, I felt a tremendous sense of relief…like I was finally coming up for air.  Many of the anxieties that I’ve been feeling as I try to manage everything have started to disappear….just knowing that the end is in sight gives me a sense of calm.  Every part of this decision feels like it’s the right thing to do.  I am thrilled that I will get to spend more time with Liam, while also having more time to focus on my studies.  Rather than feeling like I’m spread too thin, my hope is that I will finally feel a sense of balance. 

This decision will require some sacrifice as I’ll be making a lot less money, but both my husband and I agree that the sacrifice will be worth it.  Now, more than ever, I am grateful for our simple lifestyle.  If we lived in a huge house with a big mortgage…with new, fancy cars and expensive toys, this wouldn’t be possible.  Instead, we choose to live modestly.  I have never been more grateful for that than I am now. 

This feels good.  I’m excited.  I feel at peace.   I’m ready to begin this new chapter.

Fighting the Good Fight

I heard some sad news this week that the valedictorian at the high school where I used to teach was murdered.  My heart goes out to both the staff and the students at this school.

After 7 years of working in this impoverished, urban school district, I am still shocked when I hear this kind of news.  I shouldn't be.  It seems that every year multiple students in our district are the victims of violent crime.  In the years that I was in the classroom, I had 5 students who were killed and 4 others who were shot, but luckily, survived.  

I'll never forget the evening I was watching the news as I was grading papers and I saw the picture of one of my favorite students flash across the screen.  He had been shot multiple times in the back seat of a car.  His little sister was also in the car but survived because her older brother had pushed her on the floor and laid on top of her.  This young man was not an easy student, but, somehow, I won him over.  He loved biology, and every day, he was the first student in my room for our 7th hour class.  I adored this kid.  He drove me crazy, but his enthusiasm for science was contagious.  I remember giving his folder of papers to his mother at his funeral so she could see all of his good grades. Two years later, his little sister came into my class proving to be another challenge.  A week into school I pulled her aside.  I think she thought was I going to yell at her and try to check her on her behavior.  Instead, I told her how much I cared for her brother...how much he loved science...and how much I missed him after he was gone.  I could never possibly understand what this girl had gone through, but I hoped I could at least show her that I cared.  After that conversation, she became one of my best students, and I looked forward to seeing her each and every day.

I have numerous stories like this.  I had students who came to school after being held at gunpoint the night before.  I had students who were raped and beaten.  I had students who were homeless.  I knew several students who were in gangs.  As a teacher, I often struggled while trying to navigate the world my students lived in.  There was no way I could possibly relate to living in the midst of that kind of violence.  I also struggled to figure out how to make them care about biology....because really, let's face it, if you don't even have a home, caring about biology seems pretty pointless.

I learned pretty quickly though that it wasn't what I taught that mattered.  What really mattered was that my students knew that I cared about them.  And if I was lucky, I could provide 50 minutes in their day when they felt valued and safe.  That became my mission.  I wanted them to know that I loved them...and perhaps, my class would be a bright spot in their day.  

It wasn't easy.  Being a teacher is never easy....much less working in a community where violence prevails.  

My friends and family feared for my safety, but the truth is, I never really felt unsafe.  Whatever violence was around me, it wasn't about me.  Rather than being fearful, I chose to focus on what was in my control....which was my classroom.  I tried to set high expectations for learning and to provide a safe, healthy, fun environment for my students. 

If nothing else, my experience taught me that we never know what others are going through.  There were days when a student would come in and he or she would be angry and insubordinate.  Rather than getting angry myself, I tried to find out what was going on...I would pull the student aside and would simply ask if everything was okay.  The things that came out of those conversations were a major reality check for me.  I often discovered that the student was dealing with some tragic incident.  I like to think that they came to school on those days not because they wanted to, but because it provided a place for them to feel safe and secure and to escape the pain that they were feeling.

I had an Assistant Principal who used to say that we must "keep fighting the good fight".  There are many times, even now, where that mantra gets me through my day.  

Tonight, as I think of my colleagues and their students, I'm reminded of why I became a teacher.  I used to tell my students that education was their key to a better life.  I would preach to them that they must learn to advocate for themselves, and you can only be an advocate if you are informed. 

The simple truth is that I'm a teacher because I love kids...and beyond that, I believe that education is the greatest gift we can give ourselves and give one another.  

So tonight, I want to thank all of the educators out there who are passionate and truly care for their students...who spend their days and their nights working relentlessly to make the world a better place.

Thank you for continuing to fight the good fight.