Grateful Monday

Five things I’m grateful for today:

1. Liam’s sweet, sleepy smile that greets me each morning
2. A beautiful, fiery sunrise stretching across the sky on my drive into work
3. A very productive meeting with my PhD advisor this weekend
4. A big thermos of hot coffee
5. My mother, whose birthday was Saturday.  She's simply amazing.

Run Like the Wind

I was fortunate to have a fairly easy pregnancy.  I didn’t feel very good during the first trimester, but I wasn’t sick all the time like some women I know.  The hardest part for me early on was the fatigue.  I was constantly wiped out. 

Pregnancy was a very humbling experience for me.  I was constantly in awe of my body.  I have close friends who have struggled with infertility so I was constantly aware of what a blessing my pregnancy was.  As my body changed and grew, I tried to be very mindful of the miracle that was happening.  I often just stared at myself in the mirror…trying to wrap my head around the fact that I was growing a person!  When you really stop and think about it, it’s pretty mind-blowing. 

While I was pregnant, I ate really healthy and exercised well into my third trimester.  During the last 6 weeks, I stopped working out because I was so tired and it was 173 degrees in St. Louis.   I gained 40 lbs in total, which wasn’t too bad considering I had to be induced at 41 weeks.

After Liam was born, I dropped 20 lbs right away.  I give credit to breastfeeding and also the stress of trying to cope with a low milk supply.  I must admit that I was thrilled to lose those 20 lbs quickly….I took it as a sign that the rest of the weight would just fall off.

Not so much.  Liam will be 6 months old next week and I’m still carrying 20 lbs of baby weight.  Despite joining Weight Watchers and trying to exercise regularly, the scale just won’t budge.  The worst part  is that I have a closet full of clothes that I still can’t fit into.  I don’t feel good about myself either.  When I see pictures, I hardly recognize myself with my double chin.


Everyone tells me I’m being too hard on myself….it took 9 months to put it on and it takes 9 months to take it off.   I get that, but at the end of the day, I want to feel good and healthy again.  I want to be able to wear my cute clothes and not have to try to conceal my back fat...  


But, it’s hard to stay motivated when you are frustrated by the scale. There is nothing more defeating than carefully watching your diet and exercising diligently for a week, only to step on the scale and see it hasn’t budged!  So frustrating!


So, in the spirit of positivity, I have decided to focus less on the weight and more on getting into shape….which led me to register for the Go St. Louis Half-Marathon on April 15^th.  I ran a half-marathon in 2004 and it’s one of my proudest moments. I have never felt as healthy and fit as I did during that race. I want to feel that way again.


I know that I’m trying to juggle a lot right now…and I really need another “project” like I need a hole in my head, but I want…I NEED to do this.  I tend to be very goal oriented and I like to have something to work towards.  If nothing else, training for this race will help keep me accountable to my workouts.  In the end, I will be in shape.  If the weight comes off then that’s an added bonus.  But, this is not about the weight.  This is about feeling good.


I began training this week.  Yesterday I ran for 30 minutes around our very hilly neighborhood.  It hurt like hell.  My legs and my lungs burned, but afterwards, I felt amazing.  Today, I have an extra pep in my step, and I swear my thighs might just be a little smaller!

The Year of Positivity

At the start of the New Year, I like to choose a word to be my focus for the upcoming year.  The word functions as a compass to help guide me and keep me focused on my goals and resolutions.  On a daily basis, I try to incorporate the word into my thinking and being. 


Last year, my word was nurture, which fit well with my pregnancy.  Looking back, I can honestly say that I did a really good job of nurturing myself and my body.  I found myself saying “no” more than ever before, and for once, I tried really hard not to over-commit.  In truth, pregnancy gave me the perfect excuse to focus on myself and not feel guilty about it. 

After returning to work from my maternity leave in late October, I felt myself getting caught up in the negativity that constantly surrounds me.  Every day when I left work, I was grouchy and sad.  I found myself struggling to cope with the separation anxiety of leaving Liam, while also trying to deal with the angst and stress of working in a school district in turmoil.  After only a month back to work, I was exhausted and frustrated and seriously despising my job.  While on winter break, I decided that something had to change.  I simply could not spend the next 5 months feeling frustrated day-after-day. 

Where I work, there are numerous factors that are not within my control.  Sometimes, it's difficult for me to cope when higher-level decisions go against my beliefs and values as an educator.  Like a broken record, I often remind my teachers to focus on what is within their “locus of control”.  I think it’s time I heed my own advice.  I may not have control over much…but I do have control over my own attitude.  So, for the sake of my own sanity and well-being, I chose to make this year’s word positivity. 

I’ve always believed that we choose happiness….it’s not something that happens to us under the right conditions.  Rather than getting sucked into the complaining and bitterness that prevails around my workplace, I am choosing, instead, to think happy thoughts.  I want the spirit of positivity to permeate all parts of my life.  As a new mother, this is more important to me than ever before.  I want to live optimistically…focusing on the good things that are happening in this big, beautiful, wide world.  For me, being positive also means focusing on my blessings and taking the time to be grateful for the gifts I’ve been given. 

            So, for 2012, I’m simply choosing to be happy.   I’m choosing to think positive, to be thankful, and to believe in the best.

Hello

Welcome to my blog!  I am new to the blogging world though I have enjoyed reading blogs for many years.  I intend to use this space to share my musings on life while also celebrating life’s simple pleasures. 

Here is a photo of my little family.  My husband, Andrew, is a banjo playing arborist, who spends his days climbing trees. Our sweet baby boy is Liam, who was born on August 2, 2011.  To the left is Dylan, the wonder dog, who loves chasing squirrels, crunching on carrots, and, occasionally, eating his own tail.

That photo was taken in early autumn….so that sweet baby boy now looks like this: 

Thanks for joining me. I have lots to share and talk about...and, hopefully, I'll learn something new along the way!