Listen to the Music

We are music lovers.  In fact, my husband and I met through our love of music.  

We have music playing almost constantly at our house and various instruments hanging on our walls.

He's pretty much a walking encyclopedia when it comes to music...and he's introduced me to several new artists.

For my birthday, he gave me these two albums, which I just love. They've become my most recent obsession.

Ray Lamontagne...this guy is just amazing.  I love his voice and he's such a talented songwriter.  At the end of the day, I get into my car and his music takes me to my happy place.

Sarah Jarosz

I pretty much want to be her.  This girl is twenty years old, just adorable, plays the guitar and banjo, writes her own songs, and sings.  She's been called a "contemporary bluegrass prodigy".  Seriously, she's my new idol.    

What about you?  What are you listening to these days?

Grateful Monday

Five things I am grateful for today:

• A fabulous week long vacation spent on the beach.
• My very generous parents who welcomed us into their home for a week.
• The fact that Liam is not quite crawling...yet. He's close...but for now, he only scoots around. Once he's on the move, life is going to change!
• Daylight on my drive to work in the morning. I spend half the year driving to work in the dark. It's so nice to finally have sunshine to start my day.
• I only have 3 weeks of work until spring break, which gives me something to look forward and makes our vacation coming to an end a little bit easier.

Time Away

We just returned from a much needed vacation where we spent the week with my parents in Fort Meyers Beach.  We had a wonderful week.  Our time was spent mostly relaxing and enjoying one another.


We spent a significant amount of time lying on the beach and swimming in the pool.  Liam dipped his toes in the ocean for the first time and wore himself out relaxing on the beach.

He also went for his very first swim.

Andrew and I enjoyed sleeping in and spent long mornings on the balcony drinking coffee.  This was our view.

We spent one day on Sanibel island where we collected shells.  I went for several long runs along the beach.  We ate.  We laughed...and I may or may not have drank a Bloody Mary every. single. day.


Liam also got to enjoy some quality time with Grandma and Grandpa.

I am so grateful for this time away.  It is exactly what I needed.  I feel rested and rejuvenated, and I plan to maximize this vacation juju for as long as possible...

Life List Part One

A week ago today, I turned 35 years young.  I do not fear aging.  The way I see it...every birthday is a blessing.  Right now, I'm happy...I'm healthy...I'm surrounded by love.  I have all that I need.

With each birthday, as I embrace another year, I tend to get a little reflective.  Turning a year older has this symbolic meaning for me...it makes me assess where I am and what I hope to do with my life.

As I look back on these 35 years, I'm pretty pleased with all that I have accomplished, but looking forward, there's a lot more I hope to do. 

To celebrate this birthday, I was inspired by this lovely lady and decided to write a life list of one hundred things I would like to do with the time I have left. 

So here it is...in no particular order, the first half of my life list:

1.       Write my life list (which I have to write because I LOVE checking things off my to-do list!)

2.      Finish my PhD (I did it!!!)

3.      Write a book

4.      Own a chunk of land and a home surrounded by trees

5.      Visit every National Park

6.      Quit my job so I can spend more time with my son

7.      Travel to India

8.     Unplug completely for one week

9.      Learn to play the violin

10.  Plant a big, huge garden

11.   Run a marathon or 50K trail run

12.  Own horses

13.  Help my son find and follow his dreams

14.  Learn to sew my own clothing

15.   Own a home with a fireplace, a big great room that opens into the kitchen, a walk-in closet, my own sink, a hot tub out under the stars , a crafting studio, and a huge fire pit on a patio

16.  Backpack part of the Appalachian Trail

17.   Own a high efficiency washer and dryer

18.  Take a painting class

19.  Grow lovely flowers year around

20. Have a huge farmhouse table where we gather and eat amazing meals

21.  Travel to Alaska

22. Practice yoga on a regular basis for an extended period of time

23. Learn Aerial Arts

24. Own a camper for camping and music festivals

25.  Stop driving so fast…learn to slow down and enjoy the moment

26. Go on an African safari

27.  Take a cooking class

28. Visit the Scottish Highlands

29. See the Northern Lights

30. Have everything we own paid off

31.  Travel to France and visit the Louvre

32. Take a photography class

33. Learn to quilt

34. Become a bee keeper

35.  Go on a long, romantic trip with my husband

36. Keep chickens so we can have farm fresh eggs

37.  Go diving in the Sea of Cortez

38. Write a letter to my son every year on his birthday

39. Take an outdoor survival class

40. Learn to knit

41.  Have a library with floor-to-ceiling bookshelves filled with books

42. Go to Squam or some other creative gathering

43. Buy a really nice piece of art

44. Own an espresso machine and learn to make my own delicious lattes

45.  Go on a vacation with my parents, all of my siblings, and their children so we can spend more than a day together at a time

46. Have my house completely organized from top to bottom

47.  Learn to climb trees like my husband

48. Make wine

49. Dye my hair red

50. Create a meditation alter and sacred space in home

Happy Valentine's Day

All you need is love, love...love is all you need.

Let's celebrate love.

Grateful Monday

Mondays have been particularly hard for me since I returned to work from maternity leave.  I created Grateful Monday to help me begin the week on a positive note. 

Five things I’m grateful for today:

1) Occasional, self-indulgent treats...I used a gift certificate and got to spend Saturday afternoon at a spa.  It was wonderful.
  
2) Good music.  Andrew and I went to a concert this weekend. This was only our second night out since Liam was born.  So fun!


3) A warm cozy, home.


4) My upcoming birthday...I will never fear getting older.  Each and every day is a blessing


5) The anticipation of a potential snow day tomorrow...keeping my fingers crossed!

Weekend

Here is a single, perfect moment from our weekend.  

I just love these lazy kind of mornings.

Motherhood

Everyone says that when you become a parent, you experience a love like no other.  People often claim that it’s the best thing that’s ever happened to them, and the happiest moment of their lives.  As I neared the end of my pregnancy, all of these clichés played through my mind.  I daydreamed about the moment I would  meet my baby, and I mistakenly thought I understood the love that was coming my way.

Liam’s birth wasn’t quite what I had planned, and the entire experience is kind of blurry for me...except for the moment when I got to see him for the first time.  That moment is crystal clear. And yes, it was, without a doubt, the best moment of my life. 

As for all of those clichés….they are right on.  I like to say that there was life before him…and life after him.  And to be honest, life before him doesn’t really matter anymore.  Don’t get me wrong, I enjoyed my time.  Being an older mother, I had lots of years where I got to focus solely on myself.  I am very grateful for those years.  They were integral in making me the woman I am today.   But the truth is...I feel like my life is just now beginning.

Motherhood is difficult for me to put into words.  I haven't quite wrapped my head around it. I’m still trying to figure it out as I navigate these new waters.  The only way I can describe it is by saying that my heart feels like its been cracked open...and there’s all this love spilling out….love that I didn’t even know existed. 

I’ve had many, overwhelming moments when I thought my heart might break from loving this little person so much.

The first of those moments came a few days after we brought him home.  Andrew had made a cd of our favorite songs for me to listen to in my car while I was pregnant.  For 9 months, I listened to that cd over and over again so that our baby would know our favorite music.  That night when he was only about a week old, I turned that cd on and started to dance with my baby in my arms.  Hearing that music…and being able to hold him…it was almost too much for me to bear.  Tears flowed down my cheeks because I was feeling this big, huge love that I had never experienced before.  For 9 months, I had dreamt about this little person and here he was with me…dancing in my living room.  The moment was so beautiful…so perfect….and so completely overwhelming.

Just like the clichés say, it truly is the most amazing kind of love.  But what the clichés don’t tell you is that it’s also a big, scary kind of love.  It’s simply terrifying to love someone this much…and to be that person’s protector, provider, and source of everything.  I have never felt so vulnerable. 

I have moments where I doubt myself and everything I’m doing.  I worry about something happening to him.  I worry that I’m going to blink and this will all be over.  

At night when he is falling asleep in my arms, I just sit and breathe him in.  I marvel at his perfection as he makes his little, sleepy, baby sounds.  I’m very aware that time moves quickly.  I’m trying my hardest to truly be present in this journey.  I want to remember this.  I want to soak up these moments so that one day, when I look back, I will remember exactly how his little hand felt wrapped around my finger, how it felt to have him curled up on my shoulder and the soft touch of his silky hair on my cheek.  Each moment is so precious and so fleeting. 

As I find my way as a mother, I feel my entire being changing and my heart expanding in magical ways.  I am an entirely different woman than I was six months ago.  I'm better and kinder.  I have a whole new set of priorities, and I’m finding joy in small, simple moments.  I am seeing the world in a new light.  I am truly the happiest I have ever been. 

Being a parent is much bigger than any cliché, and I’m working on embracing this journey along with all of its joyous, beautiful, hard, and scary parts.  I feel deeply that this is really important, soulful work, and I intend to make the most of it.

Grateful Monday

Five things I’m grateful for today:

1. Weekends at home
2. Good friends.  We went to a 1^st birthday party on Saturday and saw many friends whom we haven’t seen in awhile.  It was so nice to catch up.
3. My husband, whose been sending me little love note emails recently.  I just love him.
4. Sunshine
5. My wonderful babysitter.  It’s still really hard for me to leave Liam on Monday mornings.  I get so sad...but knowing he is in kind, loving hands makes me feel a little better.

Dylan

Eight years ago I had a long-term relationship end.  It was a terrible time for me.  It was the kind of ending that forced me to move back across the country to be closer to my family.  After staying with my parents for a few months, I moved to Chicago to begin a new life.  That was a tough transition, to say the least.  I was hurt, and I was angry.  I was also quite lonely, living by myself for the first time in my life.  I simply had no idea who I was anymore. I was lost. 

At that time, I wasn’t certain about much, but one thing I knew for sure was that I wanted a dog….or to be more accurate…I NEEDED a dog.  Though I had friends in the city, I couldn’t shake my loneliness….the evenings at home were painfully quiet and painfully sad.  So, I found myself, one Saturday afternoon in October driving out to the suburbs to the Chicago Animal Welfare League, the area’s largest no-kill shelter.  I spent the first hour walking up and down the aisles with tears running down my face.  There were so many.  How could I possibly only choose one?  I finally forced myself to get a grip and devised a plan that I would pick 3 and then I would “meet” each of them before making my choice.

The first time I walked by this guy’s cage, he got up, tilted his head and looked me over.  Each time I came back around, he would get up and tilt his head back and forth, studying me.  I added his number to my list. 

He was the first one that I met.  When they brought him into the room, he came and placed his head in my lap….it was all I needed.  I promptly signed the papers and named him Dylan…after Bob and his song “Blowin in the Wind”.  That afternoon, he rode home with me with his nose stuck out the window and  his chin on my shoulder.  He has been my constant companion ever since.

This dog saved me as much as I saved him.  I also like to think that we chose each other. 

From the moment I brought him home, things started to turn around.  Slowly, the fog began to lift, and I finally started to find my way.  The loneliness disappeared, and I began to find solace in the blank slate in front of me.  I was being given the gift of a new beginning, and this time around, I had the freedom to make my story read exactly as I wanted it to…me and only me.  It was both liberating and terrifying. 

I am so grateful for this animal.  These days, at night, when I go into Liam’s room, I know that I can find Dylan there sleeping….looking out for my baby boy in the same way he has looked out for me.  

6 Months Old

Dear Liam,  
  

You are 6 months old today.  I can hardly believe it.  You are already half way to one year!  The time has gone by so quickly. You are such a good baby.  You are almost always happy.  You sleep through the night most nights.  You love to try new foods, and you rarely cry.

You just started eating solid foods in the past month.  You love to eat and can’t get enough.  So far, you love sweet potatoes and carrots.  You also love bananas, pears, and applesauce.  You will tolerate green beans, but you hate peas!  The first time we fed you peas, you gagged and spit them out.  The look on your face was priceless!  When you like a food, you kick your feet and make happy sounds.  You also get impatient, wanting us to feed you faster.  You are starting to fill out and have chubby cheeks and a round little belly. 

You are very busy these days.  You have just started sitting up on your own.  You can’t crawl yet, but you can push up on your hands and knees.  You can also barrel roll across the floor, which is how you get around.  You want so badly to move and it frustrates you that you can’t reach everything that you want.  You are constantly touching things and trying to put things in your mouth.  You love your Exersaucer and just this past weekend, we introduced you to your doorway jumper, which you love.

You are starting to make all kinds of fun sounds.  You squeal with delight and like to hear your own voice.  Lately, you enjoy saying “ba-ba” and will chatter to yourself all day long.  You also love it when I lift you up high and say “Super Liam!”

Dylan is your buddy.  At night, he sleeps in your room on the floor next to your crib.  You like to touch his ears and play with his paws.  He lies next to you on the floor and lets you play with him.  Occasionally, he gives you a big sloppy kiss, which makes you smile.

You are such a sweet boy.  When you wake up in the morning, you don’t cry, you just start babbling.  One of my favorite parts of the day is when I come to get you in the morning.  You always greet me with a big smile, which is the absolute best way to start my day!  When you wake up from a nap, you like to snuggle and lay your head on my shoulder.  You have the sweetest little sleepy face and your cheeks are always rosy.  At night, when it’s time for bed, I hold you in my arms and rock and sing to you until you get sleepy.  You also like to have your head rubbed.  Sometimes, you’ll smile at me right before you fall to sleep.

                  

You are so fun to watch and your smiles just melt my heart.  Your dad and I are madly in love with you.  We are constantly laughing at you because you are so cute and funny.  You are really starting to discover the world around you and it’s amazing to watch.  Happy 6 months sweet boy!  Remember always that you are loved.